Important Note:

Opinions are fun. My friends tell me I am someone with lots of opinions and that's fine since I don't get mad at others when they disagree with me. In this same spirit I am interested in hearing yours views as long as you are able to share your views without boiling over. I look forward to hearing from you. I tend to write in the form of short essays most of the time, but contributions do not need to be in this same format or size. Some of the content here will date itself pretty quickly, other content may be virtually timeless, this is for the reader to judge.

Displaying 1 - 1 of 1

Let’s talk about lying                                                                                    

Posted at: May/25/2009 : Posted by: mel

Related Category: Perspectives,

Is this a strange subject? Actually, I’m pretty proud that I have sat down to write a little on this. I know, we all grew up being told lying is wrong, that is pretty absolute so there should not be much of anything to say. The older I get the less I believe in absolutes.

As a parent I am tasked with a variety of roles, supervisor, teacher, mentor, philosopher, disciplinarian, example setter, guide, the list goes on and on. This means that lying is one of the challenge our kids try and we have to teach about. As our children grow, they test the subject differently and we have to evolve what we are teaching. Just as important is the communication they see from their parents and what lessons are garnered here.

From the Judeo/Christian perspective there is the ninth commandment of the Ten Commandments taught in the book of Exodus. Depending on the translation in front of you it might be any of the following.

- Thou shall not tell a lie
- You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor
- Thou shall not commit perjury
- Thou shall not commit a falsehood

I am sure there are others translations, but you get the gist. If you say something that is not true, you blew it. I like simple and this sounds simple enough, if you knowingly say something that is not true, then you have lied. If you have lied, you are in trouble. But it just does not seem to be that easy. I like to think I am a fairly moral and ethical character. If I do or say something wrong I am generally plagued by guilt and that has been one heck of an inhibitor to bad behavior. But there are times when I don’t tell the truth and I don’t feel remorse or guilt. Some folks might argue this is a character flaw in me, still, after some contemplation I have come to think otherwise. If someone asks me directions and I knowingly send them astray, I feel bad. If I am teasing my kids and I won’t tell them where something is I will enjoy the moment. If I look to my government leaders for a status on something and learn they told me wrong, I am frustrated. If a co-worker asks me how his tie and shirt combination look, despite feeling otherwise, I might extend a compliment. Literally speaking, all of these situations are lies, but not all make me feel guilty or frustrated within each situation. Could it be that not all lies are created equal?

In the first scenario I knowingly misrepresent the facts and this ultimately hurts someone; my ethical pain tells me this without a doubt is a lie. In the teasing scenario no one is hurt and the circumstances under which I lied would be pretty clearly understood as a jest by all. In the next situation my government leaders have deceived me, and it is very likely that I or someone I know will be hurt by this untruth. In the last situation I consciously made a decision to not tell the whole truth because I did not want to hurt someone’s feelings. There is a common theme here and that theme is “hurt”. I don’t wish to condone any form of lying, but not all falsehoods are created equal. If you jest with someone and they understand the humor or fun of the situation, this is not a lie because you both understand and it is done in the spirit of fun. If you intentionally mislead someone with the expectation of harming them, there is no doubt that this is a lie and is wrong. But what about choosing to not hurt someone’s feelings with a polite, but not entirely honest answer? I am going to trust to my personal ethics and instincts here. I made a decision to not be truthful for the sake of not hurting someone. In the most literal sense, this is lying, but my conscience choice saved someone from hurt at my expense.

So what is my conclusion? These are decisions and lessons I have to teach my children and unfortunately they are not clear cut. Not telling the truth is a lie, and we should all avoid lying at every opportunity. Remember that others will also judge you by how truthful you appear to be, or historically have proven to be. But we also have an obligation to not knowingly hurt someone. This does not make that special situation not a lie, but it does mean that sometimes we must decide to lie, or not tell a whole truth in order to not inflict pain or anguish on someone else. I wish I could say this is concise and easy to determine when the situation arises, but alas…this is part of the adventure to living.

Comments (0)                                                                                                                                                    [Add Comment]