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Be quiet, I’m thinking
Posted at: Nov/26/2012 : Posted by: mel
Related Category: Behavior, People, Society,
In our modern and Western societies, we often worry about…or even set up protections to ensure certain groups are not overtly abused or trod upon. With the passage of time I have begun to worry that people who are introverted, or display introversion’s related behaviors may soon need our protections. I am not a big fan of lumping people into generalized categories, but for the purposes of this essay I am going to reference introversion and extroversion, along with the pressures and expectations we appear to use for distinguishing between them. Obviously, anyone reading this will find the need to categorize themselves as they read with respect to my observations. Most of us are our own worst critics so don’t lose any sleep over what I say. To begin with it is important that we not confuse introversion with shyness. Introversion to me appears to be a desire for environments with less distraction or stimulation. Introverts seem to seek situations of less noise, smaller groups, and generally a great deal less going on in the immediate area. Clearly, the extrovert seeks situations that put them in front of larger groups and all the related chaos and noise. Being shy is often misinterpreted as introversion. I am not a psychologist or therapist, but I believe that being shy is the fear of negative social judgment that leads to an avoidance of those potential situations. If my definitions are reasonable, the introvert or extrovert can have an underlying fear of negative judgment and respond by being shy. Don’t let that last statement confuse you…let’s focus on introverts and extroverts. For my purposes we can think of shyness as a behavior potentially requiring professional help. I believe that many people feel introversion is about being antisocial, and I think that is a misperception. Introverts prefer a glass of wine or a beer with a close friend to a party with 20 people. Introverts prefer working by themselves in private offices or isolated space. Introverts do their best work by themselves and tend to sit quietly and impatiently when placed in a meeting or working group. Clearly, collaboration meetings are often a waste of time for an introvert and may even be frustrating. In contrast, extroverts thrive on the energy of the group. They generally aspire for the accolades that come with being in front of many people rather than just a few. In a group situation they can leverage the energy of others to bring their own thought processes and performance to a higher level. Leading a team meeting or speaking to a large group is an excellent environment for the extrovert. I suspect that we have always admired extroversion in Western cultures. Nevertheless, the real “rise of the extrovert” appears to have come in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. With big businesses and the rise of industry there was a huge influx of people to large cities. In this denser environment, there was more of a need for competition and the opportunity to rise to heights not previously imagined. Some historians refer to a shift from a culture of character to a culture of personality. During the culture of character a person was measured by their good deeds performed when few if any people where watching. Often, these people were not recognized for their accomplishments until long after the event had passed. Abraham Lincoln may well be the embodiment of the culture of character; he was celebrated back then for being a man who did not offend by superiority, instead…he focused on his deeds. By the turn of the 20th century we had shifted to an admiration of people who were magnetic and charismatic. The age of personality was helped along with the new movie and sports industries whose stars were easy to admire and aspire to be like. In a similar vein, the captains of industry have proven to be masters of self-promotion as a significant portion of their success. It is always easy to blame our parents for those things in life that have not turned out perfect. I know that as a parent I have always wanted my children to accomplish more than myself; maybe for this reason our parents have unknowingly set our goals to be more like those of screen, sports and industries highest achieving personalities. We have now had a century of this culture that presumes the best accomplishments and rewards come from personality and the related extroverted forms of behavior. Basically, to be great you have to rise to the top of a profession or field and be acclaimed by many for your greatness. I suppose that this behavior could be used to explain why our career politicians act as they do. Unfortunately, as our emphasis has moved towards personality and extrovert behavior we have also begun changing how we treat the introverts of society. Work environments, schools and even parents repeatedly use the phrase “don’t be shy” as everyone is encouraged to speak up. In some cases it appears that people are now being measured by their ability to “speak up.” Classrooms used to be dominated by the rows of segregated individual student seats. Now many classes have the seating arranged to group students into teams of 3-6 depending on the situation. Many of today’s workplaces are now being designed specifically for extroverts. These new workspaces often have private offices being replaced by “open-plan offices” where there are virtually no walls and very little privacy. The average amount of workspace allocated per employee has shrunk significantly over the past 30 years as well encouraging closer working proximity. Concurrently, we have more and more meetings, collaboration sessions, team building exercises and brainstorming groups. There is definite value in assuring that all members of a team are current with the progress of their teammates, but sessions of this nature often leave the introverts quietly frustrated at the corner seat. Solitude and the opportunities for introverts to focus have been the mainstay of many of our greatest discoveries. Nearly all of Albert Einstein’s greatest theories and discoveries came when he was a virtual unknown. As his fame rose, his production of novel ideas and thoughts decreased. In his later years most of his energy was devoted to being a spokesperson for those scientist who would not be heard otherwise. This is not unique to Einstein, most of mankind’s greatest discoveries have come when the key figures were enjoying a behavior others might call introversion. Others who easily fit this same scenario include Bill Gates, Steven Wozniak and Leonard Bernstein to name a few. Even in religion; Buddha, Mohammad, Jesus and Moses all experienced great revelations and insights during periods of isolation and introversion. I consider myself to be an introvert. Despite the fact that I have significant leadership responsibilities and am in front of groups on a regular basis, it is well outside my comfort zone. Most presentations and meetings I participate in leave me exhausted and seeking solitude along with the occasional drink. When I really need to be productive, whether for a technical problem or writing, I am generally up at early hours where all the distractions of life can be avoided. Parties are not comfortable places for me, when I do attend social events I generally seek conversation with only 1-2 individuals whom I already have history with. The extroverted roles I am in are by choice. Some of these roles happen out of the necessity that if “I don’t do it, no one else will.” Some of my extrovert like roles are the response to the insights of one of my mentors years ago who told me that I “would never get anywhere in life without taking some positions of responsibility.” Here is a short list of things I think help to define introverted behavior: • Someone who prefer one-on-one conversation to group activities • Someone who dislikes small talk, but enjoy in-depth discussions • Someone who is not a big risk taker • Someone who is told they are a “good listener” • Someone who feels drained after being in a group situation • Someone who doesn’t like to share their work until it is done • Someone who is described as soft spoken • Someone who celebrates their birthdays on a small scale None of the aforementioned things are bad; they are merely different from the model of an extrovert. Despite being an introvert, I don’t profess to having any of the profound insights of Moses and this can be verified by many. Despite not being Moses, I know that I am at my most productive while working alone with minimal distractions. I am aware that categorizing people into introverts and extroverts is a gross generalization. The point I am trying to make is that “one size does not fit all.” Being an introvert doesn’t mean that you’re dumb, antisocial, autistic nor do you necessarily have Asperger’s Syndrome. I also don’t want to imply that only introverts have great ideas or produce really cool things. Instead, I am concern that we are trying to make everyone into extroverts when the world needs both. Tolerance for others creates diversity and the extroverts and introverts do need each other. There is also a great deal that each group can teach the other. Extroverts have the communications skills that the introvert would benefit from for sales calls and interviews. Introverts generally have the ability to focus on a sustaining task without regular human interaction which can be in short supply. What we need to focus on is ensuring that we are not so intent on reveling in the extrovert’s aura that we force introverts into the shadows. Individual tasks like standardized testing exist and the extrovert must learn to deal with it. Just as important, group projects and situations cannot be avoided and the introvert needs to have the skills to participate and contribute, even if it requires a drink afterwards. What is important is that we not discriminate. Just because someone is not highly animated at the lectern, doesn’t mean they won’t have a valuable contribution when their time comes. Our society loves the energy, magnetism and charisma of our extroverts, but that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with being introversive or lacking these characteristics. We only need to aspire to be our best, not some special arc type.
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