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The Other Acceptance Speech                                                                                    

Posted at: Nov/22/2024 : Posted by: Mel

Related Category: Politics & Gov, Watching America,

Nearly every time someone has a big success, they complement it with an acceptance speech. Hollywood awards ceremonies are dripping with these. An actor or producer, upon hearing their name called will take the stage and thank everyone from their grandmother to the person who brought them doughnuts every day. Upon hearing the results of the Nov 5th Presidential election called in his favor, imagine what Donald Trump could have said.

First of all, I would like to thank the authors of that brilliant piece of legislation called the Inflation Reduction Act. Branding is an important aspect of everything in our world. How can you not love a team that floats legislation which expands the national debt by 1.2 trillion dollars, while also driving inflation over 9% for a single year? Calling it the Inflation Reduction Act and assuming no one would notice that it did the opposite was as good a marketing campaign as the Edsel. No one could really be that out of touch with economic policy, so it must have been a brilliant long-term plan to pave the way for wholesale change.

I would like to thank New York Attorney General Letitia James and Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg. Letitia James took a little-known consumer protection statute and applied it to the bank loan I got for a development project. Her efforts to find a convoluted interpretation of this law allowed me to experience firsthand what “Lawfare” feels like. Alvin Bragg took federal charges that had been dismissed for lack of evidence by Congress and turned them into a Manhattan prosecution. Even though the charges were outside their jurisdiction, you must go to court once subpoenaed. Mr. Bragg showed that, in his court, an NDA (Non-Disclosure Agreement) has no legal standing. Letitia James and Alvin Bragg provided me with hundreds of hours of free air time on all the major networks without spending any campaign money. They also helped to portray me to the American people as a victim of a corrupt and malicious legal system. Claiming victimhood as a portion of my campaign identity was fantastic. As a billionaire, I could not have accomplished this without their help.

Another thank you goes to Governor Abbott of Texas. After 18 months of migrants surging across the southern border while no one would admit there was a problem, Governor Abbott made a bold move. The Governor started bussing migrants all across the country, especially to places like New York, Boston, Chicago, Seattle, Portland, and Los Angeles. All these cities called themselves “Sanctuary Cities,” so he took their title as an invitation. This brilliant move allowed these progressive communities to see an influx in crime and homelessness while exhausting their public resources. In Chicago, civic leaders in the predominantly black communities decried the loss of their parks, community centers, schools, and funds to help non-citizens. Thank you, Governor Abbott.

An important thank you also goes out to all those people working behind the scenes with the DNC (Democratic National Committee). Their sustaining belief that they could convince the American public to vote for a failing old man who chews on babies' toes was pure mastery of the art of arrogance. Biden was clearly, not capable of the rigors of being President, but that didn’t matter. When Biden’s lack of Presidential capability was finally laid bare during a debate, the DNC made their next brilliantly arrogant move. Untrusting of their electoral base, they bypassed a mini primary or open convention. Instead, they held a coronation for Kamala Harris. Yes, they called it a convention, but that was only because they believed no one would notice it was actually a coronation. Anointing Kamala, whose specialty is “word salad” was a substantial boost to my campaign.

Another special callout goes to Kamala’s campaign strategist. Despite 3 years of rising crime and inflation, they made women's abortion access their primary agenda item. Leaving inflation, jobs, crime, and open borders as uncontested agenda items for me to campaign on was fantastic. I did not have to come up with plans or strategies to compete on these items because Kamala’s campaign agenda was “abortion access”, while mine was “inflation, jobs, the border, and strength." All future Presidential campaigns should have each candidate focused on a completely different agenda list from their opponent. This is so much easier than getting voters to analyze different solutions to the same problem.

Special thanks go to Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, and Al Sharpton. Calling your opposition names is a long-standing tradition of election campaigning. But, the notion of calling 76 million Americans deplorable, fascist, Nazis, garbage, and misogynistic was awe-inspiring. These Democratic aristocrats used their traditional network media access to ensure that all conservative and moderate voters knew what the elite of the Democratic Party truly thought of them. alienating so many voters from the liberal agenda made it that much easier to convince them to vote for me. Who knew they were so gifted at defining our political divide in so few words?

What successful campaign would be complete without thanking all the traditional mainstream media. They provided thousands of hours of free air-time. This gave me plenty of name recognition and the opportunity to claim victimhood, normally a strategy reserved for Democratic candidates.

Lastly, I would like to give a special individual thank you to Sunny Hostin of the ABC talk show “The View.” On October 25, 2024, Sonny asked Kamala Harris “…if there was anything she would have done differently than President Biden during the past four years.” Kamala responded, “…that there was not a thing that came to mind.” This simple but brilliantly delivered question may be talked about for years as the single and most decisive moment of failure for the Kamala Harris campaign. Sunny, if you are not yet a Republican operative, I can put you in touch with the right folks. There will always be opportunities in the future for someone such as yourself to provide that all-important and totally undermining question.

Of course, I would also like to thank all 76 million of you who voted for me, we had a good night.

Alas, he didn’t say it, but it would have been a great election night speech.

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